What’s going on Young Leg here back from the underground and let me tell you this weekend I learned a lot. I learned that Atletico Madrid continue to be choke artists. Liverpool no longer has to abide by the rules of offsides. I found Sarri in a ditch somewhere some Russians just dropped him off with a sack over his head, and possibly the most scary truth I have learned this weekend is the true strength behind Anthony Martials scoring ability…. This news will shock you, but after thinking about it make you wonder why you couldn’t figure it out sooner.
Anthony Martial has magic black gloves.
Now I know what you are thinking, Young Leg has gone mad this time, but hear me out. Have you noticed that whenever he celebrates he always thanks his gloves first?
Now lets take a look at his October goal with Martial winning goal of the month. What is he wearing?!?
Now you are probably thinking okay those, but did you know that 93% of the time that Martial puts on the gloves he increases his sprint speed due to aerodynamics? Their is some science behind the gloves, but the real magic is in the finishing. Martial actually stole the idea from FIFA at first when he had heard the tale of the magic gloves he was just a young boy, but when they were finally in his possession then he knew. After a long journey through the peaks of France Anthony found them and he knew he would change football forever.
He went up the ranks in France, now he is working his way into the England league and the magic is all in the gloves. Scoring 89% of the time he wears the gloves maybe.(As a starter or sub) As well as finishing with a match rating above 7.5 on average probably with the gloves. The gloves have become so powerful that even his teammates are starting to have the magic rub off on them.
Pogba: 11 goals, 8 assists
Rashford: 9 goals, 6 assists
Martial: 9 goals, 3 assists
Lingard: 4 goals, 2 assists
All of the glove wearers sit at the top of the teams points for goals and assists. Coincidence? I think not, Anthony Martial has been wearing black gloves in France, in England, in snow, in rain, in the sun, when it’s windy, when he sleeps, the gloves never leave his hand. When they do somehow get lost, POOF. Back to the shadows he went, which is why I think he was so hot and cold for Mourinho guy couldn’t keep track of those damn black gloves. I went as far as to even interview some of Martial’s top people and they could confirm it as well.
If this isn’t enough proof then you are living a blind life. If you truly want your football club to succeed you will visit the mountain peaks that young Anthony climbed, take those same steps, get the black gloves that will score you bags and bags of goals. You will do this and send them to your club claiming they are the magic french gloves. You will be rewarded! You will be a hero!
*Warning please do not send your clubs mysterious items and tell them that they are magic you will be put on a bad list by the FBI. Some statistics in this article may be imaginary*
I will be back with more reports soon to join me in my underground travels chat shit with me on twitter @shopaaj.