“Dear Alexi Lalas” By: Stan Whyte

Dear Alexi,

As I mentioned to you a few weeks back you were a childhood hero of mine. Your ginger locks helped you stand out as you played alongside Cobi Jones. Aside from you two playing on the backline for those groundbreaking USMNT sides, that’s where the comparisons stop. But this ain’t about Cobi. This is about your latently blasphemous statements in your dumpster fire of a podcast earlier this week.

“While our diversity is what makes the U.S. the greatest country in the world, it also poses our biggest challenge to putting a successful soccer team on the field.”

(From Lalas’ “State of the Union” podcast via Fox Soccer on 2/20/18)

First of all, do you watch the news, Alexi? I wouldn’t exactly say we’re the greatest nation in the world these days. I interact with folks “across the pond” daily and they all feel sorry for us. I’m incensed at the state of our nation. But then again I don’t suffer from White Privledge and see everything through rose-colored shades like yourself. Hmmm. But let’s assess this statement of yours about diversity holding back U.S. soccer…

You can’t be serious can you? Aside from lacking serious talent on the NT due to making sure #GarbersBoys dominated the Starting XI, the lack of minorities in the senior side is sickening. Altidore is a bust and has been wearing the kit far too long. Miss me with any mention of him. Thanks. Nagbe is a nice start but he lacks the talent necessary to be on the NT. He’s nothing more than a token-representation. We’re not fooled. Yedlin is a nice shout. Whatever happened to Weston McKinney? You telling me never deserved a shot over Cameron or Brooks? Both have had more than enough chances to prove their worth on our oft-maligned backline.

You mentioned a need for a “collective identity” in said podcast from 2/20. What in the flying …. does that even mean?! Do you ever listen to yourself when you open that narrow, ignorant mouth of yours? Probably not. I wouldn’t either if my brother landed me a cushy gig. Oops. Too close to home? Too much truth there?

What makes a NT great is the collection of various talents from across their respective country. These players differ in shape and skill, (amongst other factors). Once said players are brought together, you find a system which accentuates/highlights skills of each individual. Playing a flat-back 442 for the last decade, (aside from JK’s short-reign as gaffer/technical director), isn’t exactly how the top clubs/NTs play anymore. I doubt you watch enough game film to realize this however. It ain’t ’98 anymore, bub.

“We’re asking human beings, with all of our biases, baggage, and our history, to pick that team.”


Are. You. Kidding. Me?

What baggage do you speak of, Lala? Oh are you referring to the fact that Blacks were slaves for 300 years which has led to deep resentment of anyone who doesn’t resemble us? Not saying it’s right, (because that’s not how I live my life), but it’s certainly understandable. So wait. Explain to me how baggage should prevent the USSF from including more Blacks and Hispanics on an awfully pale and talentless NT. I’d wait but you’re afraid of the truth and are rather spineless if we can be honest with one another for a hot second.

“We talk a lot about the need for inclusion in our sport. But any definition of identity or style of play is inherently exclusionary.”

Fam. Have you ever picked a Starting XI in your life? And no, don’t count your kids’ suburban outfit. That’s nowhere near what I’m talking about. Seriously man. What are you doing? Does Fox Soccer pay you to be a rambling numbskull? You pick your players. You formulate a system which fits the collective of the talent you have. Then you dominate. I’m a 433 offensive press type of fan myself, (shoutout to Jürgen Klopp and LFC), but seeing as how you haven’t watched football since you’ve retired I doubt you know what I’m referring to. Ever heard of gengepressing? You might’ve but I don’t have much faith in you these days.

In closing, Alexi, your time in the sun should end with such inflammatory statements blaming diversity for the lack of success of the NT. That’s not the problem. We all know that and we’re not even involved with the NT or the federation. You can do better.

Wait. Can you? Or is your career as an analyst just a staunch representation of your horrid career as a stiff CB who got cooked against elite competition? I’ve seen the tapes.

Chat shit with Stan on Twitter @StanWhyte87

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