After a Saturday full of exciting football I now have to wait another sleep just to get another taste. So I thought to myself what can I do to keep people interested and excited for tomorrow…. By scaring the shit out of them, which is what this next XI is made for. I give you ladies and gentlemen…. My Scary XI… now obviously the name needs work but pretty much the scariest mother f***ers currently playing the game so here we go.
Young Leg’s Scary XI
All right so now you are probably thinking Lionel Messi is the most feared player in the world right??? Wrong I am not talking skill wise make you shit your pants I am talking you look at him and shit your pants. I am talking about the Nemanja Vidic looking tackling players that are going into the game and seeing how much blood they can spill. We are going to be running a 4-3-3 formation mostly because it is my favorite and always trust the Old Dutch system. First off Defense…
RB, Sergio Ramos: If you thought his name wasn’t coming up you haven’t been watching Spanish soccer the last almost decade, the leader in cards red and yellow, this man is the anchor for his team and a murderer for opposing offenses. It isn’t just if Ramos is going to take the ball from you, it is more like in jaws when you are floating along enjoy the water and out of nowhere a big chunk comes out of you and down you go. This man is an animal he doesn’t care when, where or who he is known to throw bodies. (Damn straight throwing it back like 10 years to Ramos as a RB)
CB, Giorgio Chiellini: The Itallian stallion’s best mate and yelling partner. If you haven’t seen this man make a crunching tackle and then Buffon embrace him with a straight scream to the face you have not enjoyed the beautiful game. This is one of those center backs that are gifted athletically as well as being a gigantic human being. He is strangely agile which allowed him to throw opposing players off the ball and be a dominating force in the air. Chiellini is a threat for any hold up strikers because he is either getting the ball or they are getting the stretcher.
CB, Pepe: I know what you are thinking what isn’t he retired? No he is in a heated race for the league with Beskitas stop hating. He is also known as one of the WWE soccer players since it is always about getting in a fight and putting on a show. Now if you have him on your team he is fun to watch he gets stuck in, he’s passionate, and in my opinion he’s hilarious. The savagery of his on the field antics makes him an even scarier player because he won’t just take you out but he will antagonize you verbally and mentally. This was Ramos’s tag team partner for a while before he left Madrid and playing against these two the only thing that worries Madrid fans is if we will have 11 players at the end of the match.
LB Aleksander Kolarov: Now this is a player that his stature doesn’t really scare you it’s the fact that he is almost robotic and his legs are bionic. I have never seen a man kick a ball as hard as Kolarov and to think his tackles are coming at you with that power… that is a side line I would have trouble running down. This is all besides the fact that he looks and names suggests that he is part of the mafia. The man hardly ever cracks a smile; he is in there for strictly business that is physically and mentally abuses the outside attackers, and bang crazy long shots. I could easily see Kolarov on a dock smoking a cigarette disposing of a body.
CDM, Daniele De Rossi: Now if you know this man he is the most feared man amongst attackers ankles. This guy has a damn warning tattooed on his leg of what he is about to do to you. The amount of tackles you need to put in before someone comes up and tells you that you need to have a warning label placed on your legs makes you a scary person to think about. Not to mention the hired killer stare, the beard, and the head to toe ink covering his body. De Rossi is a 6-foot all around just solid holding mid, he is deadly from the spot, and he wins more tackles than any other Italian midfielder. If you see a 50/50 ball with this man going for it, save yourself the embarrassment of joining his highlight reel and about 4-6 weeks of rehab.
CM, Arturo Vidal: Speaking of tattoos we have our central midfielder another tattooed killer, this is a man that will not only slice you up with skill but he throw his body into it as well. He is an average size dude but they way he uses his center of gravity on some of the bigger players he plays against is just the most intelligent defending I have seen from a box to box mid. The other thing about Vidal is he has the Chilean fire so he has a bit of a temper and if you get him going he could be sent off, or hit a 30-yard screamer. His work ethic keeps him going and he will scrape his way to any ball in his sights. He does all this while still covering a ridiculous amount of ground on both sides of the ball. In the Champions League he has covered 57.8 km this season and he hasn’t even played in all the games due to injury. The other thing I want to mention is the hair cut, just the angry fighting chicken looking Mohawk on his head. It looks so silly but so intimidating at the same time it is very hard to explain. I am sure other midfielders think about it while they play him as well.
CM, Radja Nainggolan: Speaking of Mohawks and tattoos… we have the Belgian Vidal. I would say Vidal is better offensively but Radja has an absolute cannon for a shot so it balances out. Nianggolan is another intelligent, feisty, average sized central midfielder, he is another tattooed, hard tackling, just how you imagine an Italian league midfielder. When you go against him and teammate De Rossi you know you are in a fistfight. His acceleration is surprisingly good for a center mid which allows him to create space but also track back for some hefty tackles. The Belgian is also known to have a bit of an attitude, that I am sure you can read some conversations between him and the Belgian national team coach. I am hoping he will still be selected for the summer world cup and I don’t see why you wouldn’t when you add in the fear factor.
RW, Franck Ribery: The Frenchman, I know he usually plays on the left but I like my next option better out on the left and Ribery is a very versatile player. Now this is another player that would make an excellent bond villain, matter of fact I think all of these players would make great bond villains. But Ribery especially since he has the scar from his accident. Just picture him with sharks and lasers in their heads all around him. he is speedy, loves to get in little 50/50 match ups on the wing, and very creative with his play on offense and defense. Although he is undersized he uses his body very well, I still remember watching him get a foul call and just carry the defender on his back. So if his goal scoring ability didn’t scare you I am sure the rest will.
LW, Mario Mandzukic: This man played his match against Inter Milan with his leg leaking blood… Like not just a scratch it was a stomp worth a red card and a 4-inch gash down his leg. Not to mention he is a freak of nature athletically for a 6’3 winger. He is great down the wing, he is great down the middle, he can hold it up, he’s a threat in the air, he can do the acrobatics… Should I go on? The Croatian giant can score from wherever and hold off some of the best defenders in the world when he does it. Shit he practices with half of them every day. He is a striker turned winger and he has adapted to having to press and play more defensively with the Juve wingback system. He is a big, bad, man he gets stuck in and he puts goals in the back of the net what else can you ask for. He even does it when he is bleeding out.
ST, Diego Costa: Come on now I know we all hate this guy but it is for a good reason, he beats the shit out of defenses. He can finish, he’s got control, he can pass, but he has a personality. Now when you play in Madrid these kinds of personalities are very appreciated. He is the only man who was praised in his debut for scoring and then being sent off. It was just the only way a man as scary as Costa can reintroduce himself to a team. He gets them the lead, and then he gets himself sent off always in the most beautiful ways. Not to mention he is another very large, Hulk like man. Not Brazilian hulk I mean you don’t want to see him angry since he is built like a small refrigerator. Not to mention he likes to pick a fight himself whether you like it or not.
GK, Manuel Neuer: Yeah I know what you are thinking; “Oh this is a cop out since he’s the best goalie in the world blah blah.” Listen the reason he is the best goalie in the world has nothing to do with how scary he is for fans, managers, and players. Any other goalies sprinting 40 yards out of the box to do a diving header, or sliding clearance would be benched immediately, but this is Neuer. Not only is he an amazing goalkeeper, he also gets stuck the f*** in. He throws any part of his body he needs to in order to get the ball where it needs to go. They say goalkeepers need to be crazy, and in Neuer’s case I would say it’s true.
Now this is what the lineup looks like, yeah pretty scary right.
I think we are going to go with Bond Villain FC not a great name but very accurate.