Alright, I get it soccer players have been doing stupid shit to their hair for ….. well they always have.
HOWEVER, this corona virus has led to some of the most destructive hair styles I have ever seen. People look outright ridiculous and it is all because nobody on the planet, regardless how much money or status you have… can get a hair cut. I mean the suspects are everywhere, but I want to start with some men that I had thought given up on even having hair. Lets get right into this starting with N’golo Kante…
I mean what is going on here, this man has a full normal ass head of hair. Why on earth did he just start shaving it all off? Also is it just me or does the hair make him look younger? At least 4 years younger with the hair, man just stretched out his career. Next we got Ashley Young.
I mean as soon as you look at this you have absolutely no idea who it is. Looks like Troy Deeney’s son to me, but no I waved over the tagged name and it was Ashley Young. I may have double checked it just to be safe. Again with the hair took a quick 3 years off his age. The next few didn’t start bald, but they might as well shave all their hair off themselves.
I mean yikes…. we could all tell his hairline was a little rough, but GOOD GOD. Just shave that shit off, your hair does you absolutely no justice. Like is this honestly that much of an improvement?
My man should just rock the Mr.Clean and be the fastest man alive, it would make him so aerodynamic. Next we got his partner in crime Bobby Firmino.
I mean Bobby…..Bobby,Bobby, what is you doin? This is a man that always has perfect hair, just like he has perfect teeth. I love Bobby Firmino I would say he even has his own swag. The tattoos, the moves, got the Brazilian flair, killer celebrations, and now he’s rocking a Jerry curl.
I mean the man could easily just buzz his head, and still be handsome as hell. LOOK AT THE TEETH. Next one is Perisic just because he seems like a guy thats in the barber every week.
I mean to his credit he is keeping it very clean on the sides, like he can shape himself up nice…..but someone in his house needs some scissor skills. What is this giant Mr.T esque think on your head. He looks like he is wearing one of those raccoon hats.
Either way get my man to the shop before his next match. Finally I got two Madrista’s for you. They look like they have been stuck in the woods for months, kinda have a pre-shaven big ben vibe going.
I mean you got Isco… who I still love and think he is rocking the hell out of that hairstyle, but his beard is so massive it looks like he has no neck. Also is that a shadow or…. nope Modric has a beard, I REPEAT MODRIC HAS THE MR MIYAGI BEARD. Both of them could stand for a trim, also I need to see how bearded Modric plays before I get on board.
To end it on a high note…
This is my captain, Sergio Ramos. He is 34 years old, and says he feels stronger than ever. Nothing in his game has dropped for me to disagree, and we should probably give him a new contract. Thanks Covid-19.
Written by: Anthony “Young Leg” Shopa (@ayoungleg)