Alright so this discussion has been plaguing the world for all of eternity…. Who really is the best striker in the world? I am about to break down my argument and give you the rankings for my top 10 strikers in the world RIGHT NOW. That not all time it’s right now its February 2018 that I am deciding this so, argue with me sooner rather than later so my facts are still correct for the most part. But first lets break this down through the top leagues. (EPL, La Liga, Ligue 1, Serie A, Bundesliga) Now when I say striker I mean a the front guy sitting in the middle shooting at the big rectangle at the end line, not a winger, not a center forward that’s sitting in as more of a attacking mid, a fucking striker.
English Premiere League
So obviously for the most popular league in the world you are going to have world class talent. I am going to pick the top 3 strikers from this league. With the premiere league you could give me the argument that they need extra spots for the talent they have up front but I would disagree and Manchester fans everywhere are going to be upset with me because for the EPL, my top three are… The Wizard himself Harry Kane, Bobby Smiles aka Roberto Firmino, and what is now the angry little argentine Kun Aguero. These are my 3 I am taking from the premiere league yes you could argue Lukaku but I thought he looked much better on Everton than he does with United, I want to publicly apologize to Zlatan Ibrahimovic because he is still the G.O.A.T. but my man cant see the pitch, and Abuyameng is new to the league and I am not showing much love yet, earn your stripes BOY. The three I have chosen are the highest scoring STRIKERS ( not wingers) in the league currently and they are that for good reason. Harry Kane the wizard leading the league with 24 goals, will shoot the ball from wherever the fuck he wants and he will score. His shooting percentage is 56% out of the 115 shots he’s taken this year, that’s almost 30 more shots than the next closest person by the way. As a finisher you will not find the finishing ability that he has, in that big English build, with a team that is centered around get Harry the ball in the 18 and watch the magic happen. Bobby Smiles, now with only 13 goals you are probably thinking why the fuck is he on here? But with a 61% shooting accuracy and 6 assists in the league on top of it, he is a perfect pairing with a possibly player of the year candidate, he can dribble, he can shoot, he can pass, he has the Brazilian flair, he can hold the ball up, anything you would expect a top class striker to do he is a part of it. He is a cog in the Klop machine that is keeping Liverpool in this fantastic form right now. Finally Kun Aguero the old man was not getting the respect he deserved from Pep after all he did for the club the all time leading scorer, the only guy I know who will say fuck it I can put 4 in the back of the net right now. 21 goals after sharing time with Gabriel Jesus and this man is still third in the golden booty race for the EPL. Even with that little ass body he contorts it in whatever way necessary to get a goal, he has a crazy amount of shot power, and like Harry Kane he is willing to pull the trigger from wherever and the goalie will be shitting his pants. Add the pace, ball control, and just hunger infront of net even in that little ass 5 foot body this man is a menace, not to mention he is surrounded by over 400 million dollars worth of talent, and arguable coached by one of the best coaches in the world, Kun Aguero is far from done making his mark in the EPL.
La Liga ahhh the league I love and I know what you are thinking oh Madrid fan bias bias bias blah blah blah. Shut the hell up and let me give you my 3 for La Liga, number one the fuck boy zombie himself Luis Suarez, the French man Antoine Griezmann, and yes the other fuck head Diego Costa. I want to apologize to Benzema I know your role at Madrid, I love you still and I know you wish you had more goals on the stat sheet, but I am looking for an out and out striker currently. So Suarez, Suarez immediately comes to mind when you think best in the world because for as awkward and ugly as this man is, his football mind and ability are insane. I have never seen someone with the finishing ability he has since Allan Shearer (yeah throwback bitches). This man can hit off the volley, off the ground, off your head, set pieces, wild kung fu kicks; he can do it all to get that ball in the back of the net. Granted he is playing with Messi who makes scoring look so easy for his teammates but this does not take away the brilliance of Luis Suarez’s ability. Right behind Messi for the goal leader Suarez finds himself breaking the 20 goal mark again for Barcelona. Antoine Griezmann, I like to call him Grizzi mostly cause its easier to say and spell but the man has single handedly been keep atleti in big games for the past two years and the fans don’t seem to give two fucks about it. He gets booed whether he scores or not but he is the type of player that his ability, creativity, and love for the game make him incredible to watch. He is another stiker that can do it all pass, take people on, and finish from almost wherever. Not to mention he is left footed where people may take that for granted I find leftys always have an advantage because defenders do tend to get confused which side to push them to. Although he has not been racking up the goals he is still top ten in goals as well as six assists to go with it in the league. Finally this big fuck Diego Costa, now I know I said I didn’t put Abuyameng in because lack of time in the league, but this is Costas return home to the team he loves and he came back with a bang, goals, cards, always bitching, and cheap shots are my best way to captivate his time back with Atleti so far. Now with that big body, and being known as a general scum bag you might tend to forget Costa is one of the best players in the game for his position, his finish ability is world class, his hold up game is strong as fuck, plus defenders are just scared or him or want to fucking murder him. This is an advantage either way because one he is getting a foul, drawing set pieces, and getting defenders off the field with cards. OR they are too fucking scared to go near him because they know he will legit do whatever it takes to get the ball into the back of the net, even if it means breaking some bones and making some enemies in the process. Now he has only been their two months so I am not really worried about his stats he is getting familiar with his team again, but I could not leave him out of the conversation. So be happy you fucking scum bag Costa.
This was probably the hardest one for me to find a third because the top two are easy but the third is a tough one, because you have the old Madrista killing it over at Lyon, or you have some old names I would love to bring back up, but finally decision had to be made… My top three for Ligue 1, Edinson Cavani….obviously…. Radamel Falcao the old man, and my third choice going strictly off goals to the number of matches is Mario Balotelli… yeah I said it probably haven’t heard his name in like 3 years but Balo-FUCKIN-Telli. First things first the man who gets almost no credit who has been killing it in Europe for yearrrrrrrrsssss Edinson Cavani, this man puts up 30 goals a year in the league it would seem to me in 25 matches so far he has 24 goals… if that’s not enough evidence for you he also just broke the PSG goal record that was held by Zlatan, and if that doesn’t prove anything since the 12/13 season Cavani has scored over 50 goals every year. He is at 38 total goals and it is not even March yet… I don’t even think I need to make a real argument for this guy, but since I do this big fuck, with the forehead that could stop your heart is an absolute workhorse. He has that kind of Costa edge where defenders are scared of him, but he’s not a scumbag. I think that if Hercules played soccer or Tarzan he would play just live Cavani. He has the size, the foot skills, the touch, and the finishing ability that make him an absolute weapon around the 18 yard box, not to mention he is playing with the most expensive player on the planet (and has more goals than him). Next Radamel Falcao, now over the years I have hated Falcao mostly cause he would always score against Madrid but, after watching him suck in the premiere league, and pull through all the injuries it is nice to see him back inform for Monaco and he is having himself a season. 17 goals in 20 matches I would say that is a good ratio for a 32 year old forward, but this is another man who doesn’t really get credit where its due. He is one of the cheekiest finishers of the ball I have ever seen so playing defense against him is always agonizing. His chip game is incredible, he has no problem going for the aerial shots (youtube this fucking dude) and he has the experience under his belt that always makes him a threat. Granted people may think he has gotten a bit soft in his old age, but I like to think El Tigre still has that spark. Finally Mario Balotelli the once so sought after man, the man that won Manchester City the EPL title back in the day. Why always him? But Mario Balotelli who I think still has plenty of time in his career being only 27 years old is another player that through his off the pitch antics got a bad rap, rather than just watching him play the game. Granted he a bit of an ass on the pitch as well but lets focus on ability. Balotelli has all the confidence in the world and mix that in with his talent and physicality you get one of the strongest strikers in France. He has one of those pull the trigger from anywhere mindsets which also gets him in trouble, but also lead to some of the most memorable goals for the Italian. With 13 goals in 19 appearances this year I would say he is having a good year and his goal scoring is coming back to him now, which is why he is my third for Ligue 1.
Serie A is usually a difficult one because it is so competitive over there and the big guys always seem to have an answer for the forward position, so for Serie A you have the one they call fat man Gonzalo Higuain, Ciro Immobile, and Mauro Icradi. This was a tough one because you got guys like Dezeko, the young bloods from Milan, and all of the Napoli forwards that seem interchangeable, but I had to go with the out and out strikers I think are running the league this year. First things first Higuain if he is fat like everyone says America we have a huge problem. This man is another one who does not get all the love he deserves, been winning titles for what feels like a decade and scoring some beautiful and decisive goals. The one over the shoulder goal from the Spurs game really help me prove my point because he is one of those strikers that always knows where the goal is, no matter where he is at, if he is looking or not, I am always seeing him finding corners and putting it in the back of the net. Now on the goal scorers list he is not as high as he usually is due to injuries and squad rotation for the Juve system but I don’t give a fuck about that because when it comes to the big games, the big show, he is always a player that shows up (minus the world cup). 14 goals and 3 assists currently tied with Dybala in goals and assist his Juve counter part they are working on another consecutive Serie A title. Next Ciro Immobile yeah most of you haven’t heard this name since his Dortmund days but he has been killing it in Serie A this year even though he has played for like 60% of the teams in the league. He is leading the league with 23 goals and even notched 8 assists. I think his stats are speaking for themselves here as well as Lazio winning some games they didn’t really have any business winning. He is one of those strikers that if you give him the freedom to do what he does running at people and burying chances given you will see great success. Finally we talk Icardi, this is another man who has not really been given the love he deserves by his national team or the mainstream media. He needs to score a hat trick to really get noticed. But with 18 goals on the season and sitting as the second highest scorer I do not think my argument needs too much more evidence. He is another player that with his dribbling and finishing ability plus you add pace he is a threat to any side in Europe regardless who is playing around him. Yeah that’s a shot at Inter buy some fucking players so they stop trying to leave you. But Mauro Icardi will hopefully be making a splash in the world cup so everyone can see him on the big stage.
Ahhhh the Germans so this was another one where there’s an obvious pick and then some are up in the air and I had trouble. First thing first Robert Lewandowski the man who legitimately never stops scoring, Timo Werner the young German, and finally this is awkward but I am going to put Abuyameng in this league for strikers… I am sorry for the shadiness. Shout out to Batshuayi he is killing it at Dortmund. First things first Robert Lewangoalski this man when you first look at him looks like a massive awkward fuck, but then you see him play and everything he does is just beautiful, world record for fastest hat trick, leading the league in goals, got angry last year when he didn’t win the golden boot, you will never see a player who wants to score more than Lewandowski. His finishing ability is world class, off the volley, finesse, power, whatever you need really Lewandowski is the forward you want on your team to get the job done with the ball in the back of the net. If there’s a way to get it there Lewa will find it. Next Timo Werner one of the fastest fuckers I have seen the pace, plus ball control, plus finishing ability, not to mention he is only 21 years old… If he isn’t on your list of strikers for the future than you just don’t know football. He is rumored to be heading to a big club soon, so we will see how he reacts to being given the spot light on the big stage but for now he is one of my top strikers in Germany. Finally Abuyameng I thought to myself how isn’t he in the conversation and immediately I went “Fucking Arsenal” so that’s why he wasn’t originally in but he is still second in goals in the Bundesliga…. So I’m sorry to leave a league two months ago and already start scoring for you new club, while being one of the top scorers in another league you have to thrown into the conversation. With his pace, yeah the fastest man fucking alive, creativity, and finishing ability there is no real argument for why he shouldn’t be in the talks for top striker in the world.
So here is all my arguments from my choices we have…
EPL: Aguero, Kane, Firmino
La Liga: Suarez, Diego Costa, Griezmann
Ligue 1: Cavani, Falcao, Balotelli
Serie A: Higuain, Icardi, Immobile
Bundesliga: Lewandowski, Werner, Aubameyang
- Robert Lewandowski
- Luis Suarez
- Harry Kane
- Kun Aguero
- Edinson Cavani
- Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang
- Gonzalo Higuain
- Antoine Griezmann
- Roberto Firmino
- Mauro Icardi
- Young Leg (Possible #1)
Once again this is just for this year these are my rankings feel free to hate them, tell me I missed some people, tell me I amwrong and I don’t know shit. But just remember I am always right, 50% of the time every time I am right. Chat shit @Shopaaj