I was feeling very charitable this morning and just saw so many footballers going off contract with a very odd end to their career because of the virus. Out of the kindness of my heart, I have decided the fates of all your favorite legends, out of favor stars, and randoms that I found on the internet. I have found them a new club to play at for the start of the 20/21 season.
Ahh Super Jan Vertonghen, what a player the big Belgian was and still is to me. He spent his last 8 years at Tottenham, and has played some massive roles out wide or down the middle. This man has been a complete unit and I hope he remains in the Premier League to handle business with Spurs. I believe his new home should be Chelsea, he is an experienced back that would give them more depth on the left or down the middle. He is a player that you wouldn’t have to spend a dime on just give him a reasonable contract, and role. Also the contract could be an easy 1-2 year deal, Chelsea has a lot of young talent coming out of their ranks on defense. Tomori and Guehi show signs that they could end up being great, so filling the spot with a guy who won’t be there for too long and is so versatile would be a no brainer.
The Spanish Magician! I mean you can tell he is getting up their with age because his legs aren’t the same, but GOD DAMN those feet are magic. He still has the killer instinct, he always has the killer instinct, lets put him to work! Being the greedy American I am I had my boy Davey B give him a call… David Silva to Inter Miami. First of all Silva will be the man there because the team need him. He would be a jersey seller, put asses in seats (if they are allowed), and also dominate the league. If he wants to go get paid to live in Miami, and absolutely boss the league… go to Miami. Also he would be a club legend instantly, like just for showing up.
Probably in my top 10 center backs all time. Thiago Silva is getting out of PSG and he isn’t ready to retire. Granted, he’s 35 years old and you can definitely tell, but you can still tell he’s got class. Now I don’t want to be super greedy again so I won’t send him over with David Silva, instead I will send him to Liverpool. Pairing him next to Virgil van Djik would be AWESOME to see. He offers a ton of experience and could be a great rotation for Gomez and Matip. He would be a player that helps you for the deeper runs that we see Liverpool in every year now. Also he is a player that you wouldn’t have to keep long and it would be an awesome farewell to see him go for a Champions League title.
The ex-Madrista spent 7 years with Napoli and played that RW with his full heart! I mean you gotta love a pacy Spaniard serving and scoring from the wing. Although his goal/assist numbers weren’t as high as typically he did create a ridiculous amount of chances for the Napoli attack. I believe the 33 year old winger still has some juice left in those boots. Now the easy way out is to once again send him to the MLS, but I think better of him than that. I am sending him to Southampton. It is a team that could always use more attacking options especially with some of their people on the move. It is a free option that you won’t have to hold onto for too long. He is a versatile winger that gives you more than Danny Ings as an option going forward.
Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting
This whole PSG plan didn’t work out too well for Choupo-Moting. The manager even tried to argue why he should play, but if you don’t play well in the French league you don’t play. When you play backup to Kylian Mbappe it is important the few moments you get in you ball the f*ck out. I believe he is a striker with an ego, so you know where we send him. The Montreal Impact, lead by Thierry Henry would get an out and out scorer who wants to be the man. Not to mention Henry is going to mold him into one of the greatest MLS strikers of all time. Yeah I said all time he’s 31 and I think he would love it in Canada.
What a year for Swansea City getting just barely in the playoff and leading the semi final 1-0 on aggregate. A lot of this is due to loan players, but I am giving Naughton his fair due. At 31 years old I think he is about to hit his stride at right back. I look at defenders like you would look at a nice bottle of wine. Naughton is known to me mostly for his consistency you know exactly what you are going to get out of him. He completes your backline and is one of those guys you can always rely on. If Swansea are not promoted I would love to see him at Leeds United. I’m not saying he would be an out and out starter for Leeds, but just a great reliable guy to have on rotation with Premier League experience. Lots of names will probably fly at Leeds over the next 2 months, but Kyle Naughton could be one that goes way under the radar and could help trying to survive the Premier League transition.
Why the f*ck has nobody signed Willian yet? This man doesn’t look a day over 26 and has 9 goals, and 7 assists this season. I just can’t believe that no club has offered him a contract. This is honestly the easiest one I have done so far. Chelsea should just give him a year extension. If you really can’t decide why he would be helpful or even if he wouldn’t be helpful you could sell him. Letting him walk seems absurd to me. If I had to be greedy I would say Inter Miami again, let Silva and Willian run train on the MLS.
This guy seems like he is just being a prick. I love Cavani and he is going to change any team he goes into, but dude take a pay cut. I know you are getting him for free and can offer him a better wage, but this guy is 33 and only played 14 matches this year. I mean he was a part of 11 goals in those 14 matches, but still 12 million a year? Dybala isn’t even making that much right now and struggling with contract negotiations. I think most likely Cavani will end up in some trash league where he will get his money. AKA I am sending him to Inter Miami to play with David Silva. I have no idea if he gets even close to that money from Beckham…BUT live in Miami, give him some stock options in the team, pay him a handsome wage, let him be then man. Yeah that all sounds pretty good, talk about an out and out goal scorer for the club. You though Zlatan was a bad man wait til you see Cavani not at 37.
Listen y’all might not even know Joe Hart was playing in the Premier league this year just because Nick Pope was BALLIN. ROBBED OF A GOLDEN GLOVE. Joe Hart though an excellent goal keeper still he played in 19 matches over the last two seasons, 4 clean sheets, 50% on penalties, and 0 errors leading to a goal. I mean if you are a club where you need to figure out a goalie situation I don’t see the harm in giving old Joe a shot. Even if he doesn’t preform and you go another direction you got him for free and he’s going to be a top notch backup. After Pep shunned him his career has been spiraling from Italy back to England and now he is jobless. He is a hungry goalkeeper he just wants an opportunity to prove himself. You give him the right manager and the right team that believes in him I think you have a solid keeper for the new few years in Joe. That is why I am sending him to Leeds United. A team recently promoted and hungry, brilliant/crazy manager, and a fanbase that has been waiting for this moment. You get a class goalkeeper like Joe Hart has the potential to be people will start to take you seriously in England again.
I really do hope all these players find a home, barring Choupo-Moting I really do like all these guys. I believe every single one of them still has some magic left in them. Some of these guys are like a fine wine, others are like a tube of old tooth paste. Gotta squeeze out every single drop!
Written by: Anthony “Young Leg” Shopa (@ayoungleg)